Children are often the ones that are hardest hit when parents go through a dissolution of marriage. While there are countless numbers of books about how to raise children in a typical marriage, the amount of information on raising children when parents are divorced is a little more difficult to find (even though 50% of marriages end in divorce).
When clients come to VilarLaw to begin their divorce proceedings, we make it one of our priorities to inform parents on how to be sensitive to their children during a time that can put a lot of stress on parents.
The following comes from one of the pamphlets we give our clients. This pamphlet, along with several others, are part of the education we try to impart on our clients so that they'll be able to continue to provide a loving household to their children as they go through the steps to end their marriage.
9 Common Mistakes Made By Divorced Parents While Raising Their Children:
1. Make the child give money or messages from one parent to another and putting the child in the middle.
2. Ask the child to hides something from the other parent and in effect teaching them to lie.
3. Interrogate the child about what is happening in the home of the other parent and therefore turning the child into becoming a spy and into gossiping.
4. You should not say nasty things about the other parent to the child or in the presence of them.
5. Treat Matters involving parents in exchange for visits. Those moments are extremely tense for many, sometimes this causes the child to feel like they are living in the air.
6. Show a long sad face when the child goes from one parent to another, thus teaching the child to be unfair.
7. Tell the child who wants a new toy or want to do something that costs money and then tell him or her : "Ask your father because he does not pay me enough child support" or " Ask him to your mother because I give enough money for child support and she waste it".
8. Ask the child directly or subtly, "which of the two parents you really want to live with?", Thereby putting emotional weight on child.
9. Allow the child to take possession of the situation whenever he or she so desires.